Now you might have clicked on this hoping I was going to impart some unknown tidbits of pregnancy knowledge on you. Well, I’m very sorry to disappoint you but this is not one of those “helpful I’m-the-only-one-who-knows-these-secrets-and-I-decided-to share” type of posts you can find on Pinterest. No, today, I’m sharing all the little nit-picky whiny things that no one tells you about pregnancy. (Or at least no one told me about)
What No One Tells You about Pregnancy
1) Your pregnancy could be the opposite of everything you’ve been told. When they say that every pregnancy is different, they’re not kidding. When I found out I was pregnant, I was expecting morning sickness for days, swollen feet, loss of appetite, the whole nine yards. Aaaaaaandd I have yet to experience any of those things. To be honest, even though it makes being pregnant a lot easier, the absence of the “normal” symptoms has its flaws. You know, like other pregnant mamas giving you the death stare and that whole “I’m really pregnant” thing not sinking in until, say, Month 7.
2) Sometimes you’ll get irrationally angry at your husband. Like smother-him-with-a-pillow-while-he-snores-and-you’re-still-tossing-and-turning type angry. I’ve heard this lapse in sanity continues into the delivery room where you suddenly realize that your sweet adorable husband is actually the sole cause of you pushing a 7-lb human out of your private parts. So yeah, maybe the dad should get the push present.
3) Old wives tales LIE!!! Case in point, our gender predictions (boy) vs reality (girl). So don’t be like me and start buying gender-specific things before the anatomy scan.
4) You might not feel “oh so gorgeous”. No. No, no. Most likely you’ll feel like a whale. A large blubbering whale who can’t see her feet…or her knees….or pretty much anything past her now not-so-innie belly button. Actually if I’m being honest, I can’t see anything past my boobs–which the doctor labeled as “very voluptuous”…..honestly, I think she was putting it mildly. I’m pretty much feeling the opposite of gorgeous and sexy right now. And don’t get me started on comparing myself to all the other pregnant gals out there! (But seriously, how IS she that small at 30 weeks?????)
5) What is the deal with all the naked belly bumps???? When you’re pregnant, it’s pretty much expected to bare your belly (see the photo #1 above). Heck, I’ve seen baby bump photos on blogs where the lovely mama-to-be is wearing nothing but a sports bra and undies. I’m really happy for all those mamas out there who feel confident enough to “bare the bump” buuuuuuut I don’t get it. I mean, this thing is like a beach ball attached to you, we can definitely see it without any extra nudity involved. #myopinion Also see #4 about not feeling like Miss America whilst pregnant.
6) Time goes by too fast. ‘Oh hey, I’m pregnant!’ quickly becomes ‘Oh sh**, I’m due in like a month’ in a hot minute. And no matter how chill you are normally, the realization that your baby could be making an appearance anytime is enough to give you major anxiety.
7) You’ll never feel prepared enough. The husband actually bestowed this little nugget of wisdom on me the other day in the middle of one of my freak-out moments. I, of course, was getting all overwhelmed by all the little details–you know, what you need to buy, what you need to pack for the hospital, what to do with the dog while you’re in the hospital, what to put on the birth plan, what to do if something goes wrong, and, most importantly, what the heck to do when the hospital tells you the shrieking, pooping 6-lb little person in your arms is now completely your responsibility. And, Zach made me put away all my lists and notes and, let’s be honest, sheer panic to tell me that no matter how prepared I actually am, I’ll probably never feel prepared enough. And that’s ok–because pretty much all parents are just winging it.
8) Being pregnant is only the beginning of another great adventure.
Alright, mamas, what’s one thing you were “never told” that you think should be added to this list?